Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
