btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
