We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
