loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
