im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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