i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
