i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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