talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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