my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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