Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
this just has baby written all over it
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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