she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
