just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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