life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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