Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
