with your own penis?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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