i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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