I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
