using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
