I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
