Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
