Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
