I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
