We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
