We got so high we made milksteak
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
