Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
