saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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