now i know why i became what i already was.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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