I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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