her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
