There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
