We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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