cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
