gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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