We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
