I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
