so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
