my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
