I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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