stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
