My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
