I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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