its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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