he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
