Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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