The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
