i always forget guys have bellybuttons
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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