Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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