sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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