just tell him i said nine months
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
