I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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