btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
