I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
