Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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