Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
You did what with his pubic hair?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
