I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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